Stress is an inescapable part of life. We all experience situations which are stressful, but if we learn to recognize them, and not just freak out, we can deal with stress instead in more productive ways. While HIV itself can be stressful, an HIV diagnosis can also be the catalyst we need to start to face and better manage the stress already in our lives.
Remember if you experience a lot of stress a lot of the time, it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor and he can refer you to someone to talk to. In the meantime, here are my ten thoughts of mine which might help with stress:
Don’t put things off
When I was first worried about being HIV positive I dealt with it the most sensible way I knew how by continually putting off going for my test. No, it didn’t really help me feel less stressed. It stewed and simmered away in the back of my mind. When I finally got the positive result, one of the emotions I felt, among others, was relief. Once I had stopped putting it off and knew the outcome, I could start to do something about it. There’s nothing worse than a dreaded deadline hanging over your head, or the shadow of something you’ve been putting off, but know you will have to face eventually. While deadlines can be stressful, unmet deadlines can be even more stressful.
Everyone knows that good feeling you have when you’re getting something done, the pleasure of achievement. And the anticipation of an unpleasant job is often worse than the fact of it once you get started. If you’ve got a lot to do and don’t know where to start, you should try the old trick of writing a list. As well as helping you to remember things, lists can be very satisfying to tick off as items get done. And not putting off the things that need to be done, means you can then actually enjoy your time off.
Slow down, straighten up and smile – taking care of our bodies
Stress has an immediate impact on you physically. It has on me. I can start to feel tired, headachy, an aching back … just bad all over. Whatever my brain is thinking, good or bad, can have a big effect on how my body reacts. If I feel stressed, I will probably start breathing faster (which can feed into your stress) and you might start to hunch up in your seat at work or home. See if your muscles get tensed up, and consciously sit up straight and try not to loosen up. If I change what I’m doing physically, I can break some of that cycle of stress.
Another thing you can do is to slow down, breathe more deeply, and walk more consciously and thoughtfully, even smile occasionally. It might sound strange but you’ll probably feel the difference. You’ll be more aware of your surroundings (in a good way) and you’ll make fewer mistakes.
Our diet is also important. Eating junk food might seem like a quick fix to make us feel better when we feel stressed, but in the long run it can contribute to stress and fatigue.. So craving something sweet? Consider a piece of fruit. Being rehydrated and getting a good fluid intake is also important. Feeling dehydrated can make us feel tired and contribute to stress. Drugs and alcohol are the same deal as junk food. We can turn to them when we feel stressed. But we can become dependent on them because they make us feel good quickly, but they can also carry a toll on our health.
This is the moment
Sometimes we’ll feel stressed about what hasn’t happened, and maybe it won’t even happen. A friend of mine often reminds me in jest: “you’re dead a long time.” It’s a funny line but it’s very true. We can get so tied up in the little annoying or frustrating obstacles that we forget we’ll never be in this moment again. Look around. Enjoy the sunshine. Or the rain.
Make some time for the things you enjoy doing and enjoy the life you’ve got. Stop and smell the roses. Take some time to do the things you enjoy doing: gardening, reading. I love looking after the plants I have in my courtyard and watching them grow. What about consciously thinking about the things which make you happy in your life, those things we can easily take for granted? Count off ten things that you know make your life better. We all have them.
Use up some energy (even if you feel don’t have much)
Stress makes you feel tired. So exercise would be the last thing you feel like? But I find when I’m feeling tired and stressed that is exactly when I need to do some physical exercise. Exercise can mean getting up and out of the flat and going for a walk, or swim or gym – anything that requires effort and energy. I almost always feel better after doing something energetic.
Enjoy your own company
Being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. We all have to alone sometimes, and it can be a good time to recharge the batteries. Make the most of the time you have on your own and don’t spend it thinking about negative things. It can also be good to remember there’s a difference between recharging the batteries and shutting the world out in a hostile or unfriendly way.
– And enjoy the company of other people
It can be a source of stress if you feel like you don’t have support. That support doesn’t mean you have to talk about your problems all the time. It can just be a matter of knowing someone to have a laugh with, and being able to forget the things that have been getting out of perspective. If you feel like you don’t know many people or anyone to connect to, there are quite a few HIV support groups around. You may not think you need the support about your HIV, but groups can give us the opportunity to meet new people or a broader range of people than we’ve met so far. There are lots of different groups around. Ring the PLWHA office (93616011 or freecall 1800 245 677) to talk about where you might connect in.
Nothing is perfect
Let’s face it. Life is messy. If we go around expecting everything to be perfect, it will mean that we’re never satisfied. And if we’re afraid to make a few mistakes, we’ll never start anything. Perfectionists can also be procrastinators. I know there have been times I haven’t got things done because I’ve been waiting for the perfect time and circumstance. A little imperfection offers interesting opportunities for reflection and learning. Let’s accept ourselves as we are.
Forgive and forget
Got a problem with someone? Be assertive and talk to them about what they’ve said or done. Don’t bottle it up. Nursing a grievance can consume a lot of energy that could be better used in other ways. I love reading novels and the main reason I love a good novel is because it shows me that we’re all just human and fumble through life and make mistakes and sometimes hurt people. We can empathize with someone who might have hurt us because we accept we all make mistakes. We can all act out of fear or greed or some other negative feeling sometimes. If you can forgive others then you can also forgive yourself and not be too hard on your own shortcomings.
Laughter: it’s no joke
Life can also be pretty funny. A lot of our problems can come from taking ourselves too seriously and so having a distorted view of them. Those laughing groups are around for a reason. Laughing makes you feel good. It can help to try and develop a sense of humour about your situation. People who have been in stressful health situations who can still laugh seem to cope better. A lot (not all of course) situations do have a funny side and if you can see the funny side to some situations it can really help. Or when those negative thoughts seem overwhelming, why not rent your favourite comedy and have a good laugh?
Think about how someone else is feeling
Doing something for other people can make you forget some of your own problems. It can be as big a commitment as say being an Ankali volunteer, or it can be as little as ringing a friend who might appreciate a friendly phone call. Lots of people have dealt very successfully with their own HIV by focusing on helping other people. We all have problems but if all we think about are our own problems we won’t get very far in dealing with them. It’s ironic but sometimes we can deal better with our difficulties by forgetting about them for a while and helping someone else deal with theirs.
